The Crapter's Lament

"I can not believe I just did that!" The crapter's lament. A line I have howled on more than one occasion and for the record just screamed three times in the last half hour.

Why? Because I finally got around to ironing my transfer down on my pillow case but instead of reading and following the instructions, I started to pull back the transfer before letting it cool. Luckily, when I wasn't able to get the paper to budge too much, I decided to look at the instructions (novel idea!) and stopped. Still, a bit of damage was done:
The little corner is flawed, but what could I expect? I wouldn't be a crapter if it came out looking good. I'd be Martha Stewart. That was the first "I can not believe I just did that." The second concerned the fact that I did not trim the transfer. I had copied the image to fill the page and though the instructions (which I read when I first printed the image a few days ago) said to trim the paper I, obviously knowing more than the company that produces the transfer, decided to ignore it. The result:
Ah, that's one pretty border around the border! Okay, you know I can live with that, I can - what crapter couldn't? - but "I can not believe I just did that," issued from my mouth for the third time when I noticed this:
Super! It's peeling off the fabric!

I had such hopes for this. Not that all is lost, but should I start again or should I just proceed? My intention was to make a kind of photo corner to sew over each corner of the postcard, so that would cover the first ICNBIJDT but the tacky border and the truly tacky peeling? I guess they warrant a re-do but boy do I hate the waste! Any suggestions on salvaging this monstrosity?

Expanding My Erudition

Continually expand your erudition. The more knowledge you have to pull from, the more crapt you will be able to push forth.

Lucretia Mulberry

The Royal Society of Crapters

Bylaw 7, page 3

What I Must Learn:

1. Beading
2. Quilting
3. Lutrador (whatever the hell it is)
4. Book Binding
5. Weaving
6. Miniatures
7. Drawing
8. Paper Making
9. Stumpwork

I think I need a nap.

Crapter Project #1 Completed at Last! Results As Expected! Crapt!

Well, I did happen to fall asleep on the 22nd without finishing Crapter Project #1. In fact, I fell asleep before finishing it on the 23rd as well. However, I finally showed some backbone and put my foot down. Terrified of the consequences I might subject myself to (disappointment, self-loathing, bitterness) I trudged through my apathy and completed it last night while watching some previously recorded television. Side note: Glee, the previously recorded FOX show I viewed, I can firmly state is Crapt TV. It was mildly amusing but can’t they find people younger than 28 to play high school students and really is the teacher’s wife in any way, shape, or form a living breathing human being. Granted, the show does not hide it’s campiness, but still the wife character (as so often the case of the wife character) was lame.

So here is my completed Cloth Paper Scissor Jane Lafazio project:
I added some sequins, which might not be too noticeable so here is a close-up:
The sequins were my own idea, which made me quite proud in a 'thinking outside the box', 'my aren't I creative' kind of way, even though the results are not exactly spectacular.

The project still suffers from turned up corners so I’ve temporarily put it in a 12x12 frame (that will once again house an album cover I crapted into a faux record release from my two young boys. In true crapter fashion, my album title is not a straight line but dips up and down like a gentle ocean wave). But here it is in its temporary home:
Not quite ready for Etsy! In fact it's quite a piece of crapt but hallelujah it's done!

Is Procrastination More Than Mere Laziness?

Yesterday I was alone at home for the first time in a couple of weeks. The boys were at school. Husband at work. I had hours ahead of me to write (I'm working on a book) or at the very least - to crapt. I mean, I do need to finish that God awful circle piece but did I write? Did I crapt? NO! What did I do? I watched TV. A two week old Lost. A two week old 30 Rock. A last night The Real Housewives of New Jersey (shows you my viewing priorities - don't let the paint dry before I'll watch the Housewives wherever they might reside). I kept telling myself to get up and do something but the thought of doing anything seemed utterly exhausting. So I didn't.

So, I was trying to analyze why I procrastinate. It doesn't make me feel good about myself, so where is the benefit? My mother always said I was lazy but I'm apparently only lazy when it comes to things that might prove beneficial to myself such as writing or crapting. I've never been lazy when I've been paid to work. I'm a powerfully good multi-tasker. Yesterday while waiting for some chicken to brown I cleaned the kitchen sink. If I was truly lazy, I would have just sat there. I'm never late with library books. So I'm not thoroughly lazy. Just kinda lazy.

This is a conundrum I've been going over for all of my adult life, which is quite a long time at this point. I've probably done more writing on the subject of why I don't write than actual fiction writing. And I've never figured it out. If only I could get to the little pieces of my brain, all those atoms, synapses, curly-cues that hold the key to why I don't do what I should do. There's a code in there somewhere - neurons leading to synapses leading to glands - giving the answer to my life long question. If I ever decipher it, I could write a thriller about it. A DaVinci Code about my brain. I'd call it the Dawdling Cipher.

Crapter Lite Turns Into Pure Crapt! Quelle Surprise!

Now, not to say this isn't a redeamable work of crapt, but Crapter Project #2, which I referred to earlier as Crapt-Lite has reached the next level - pure crapt. That means my staus as a Royal Crapter is intact and secure. Yeah.

As you can see by Exhibit #1 (below) when I sewed an orange border around the needlebook that is was still relatively speaking crapt-lite:

Kind of cute, no? Well, then I attached yellow felt by sewing down the middle. Disaster.

How postitively ugly is that?! Then to add to my well honed crapting skills, check this out:

Really?! Could you manage to cut a straight line? Could you manage to sew down the actual center?! Well, c'est la vie - I can do nothing for this needle book now, for I am off to Paris tomorrow!

I did receive some things in the mail today:

The black and more pink of the Rosemarie Lavin Rhapsody fabrics and:

Definitely not crapt! Vicky Clayton's Hand-Dyed Fibers Linen of the Month. I love Vicky's linens! And I love her silk fibers, so as usual I had to get a detritus bag, which is a mish-mash of her choosing. These, as usual, are cool and beautiful:
I can turn those beauties into crapt very easily! Actually, my cross stitching is not crapt, but only because I pick nice charts to stitch and quelle surprise I'm pretty good at counting.

See you after Paris, where I hope to have some lovely things to show off!

No Crapting But Quelle Surprise, Some Cool Buys

Okay, so I didn't do any crapting today. Not even sewing a line around my "in-process" needleholder. Quelle surprise! And I have no idea if that quelle is correct or not but it is the perfect segue to a purchase I made today:

Cute, huh? The Eiffel Tower! Yeah! It's Mark Miller fabrics and I picked it up at The City Quilter. Of course, a search on the old internet revealed that "quelle surprise" it comes in other colors!!!

I will have to have a big think about the other colors but I couldn't pass this up as I'm off to Paris on Thursday night.

I made a few other purchases at The City Quilter:

The green color of Rhapsody by Rosemarie Lavin for Windham Fabrics. Now I just have to get the black and quelle surprise, I have it on order!

And last but not least in the purchases department:

Two fat quarters - Michael Miller Fabrics "Fairy Frost". They're shiny and pretty. Why they practically twinkle!

After leaving The City Quilter, I walked down to the Antique Garage which is a flea market held every Saturday and Sunday in a garage in Chelsea. This is the first time I've ever gone but it certainly won't be my last.

I bought this cool Stereo image, which I thought might be perfect for a needleholder:

"No, Donald, I never would have thought it of you." Here's the back of the card:

About a French cook! Very racy and keeping with my unintended but happily found French theme - Paris trip, Eiffel Tower fabric and one more French purchase:

An old envelope from Paris addressed to someone in New York. Here's a better look:

I have a story to tell about the envelope purchases but as the boys are starting to get loud in the other room I will save it for another day. I bought these envelopes with the intention of making a mixed-media collage from the Sealed with a Stitch by Viv Sliwka article in Cloth Paper Scissors.

Here's my last purchase, three little junk bags of beads, buttons and other nonsense:

When I have time, I will open the bags and take pictures so the two of you who are reading my blog (and I thank you so much!) can see the goodies as well. Quelle surpise!

Crapter Project #2

Crapter project #2, which I'd like to call Crapter-lite, because it's not quite crapt but it's not quite craft either, is from the January/February 2009 issue of Cloth Paper Scissors (I do love this magazine!). It's Sealed with a Stich by Viv Sliwka. Ms. Sliwka's pieces are collaged ephemera, fabric, buttons that she then embroiders. Now, what attracted me to this article was not only the cuteness of the project but the embroidery. I love embroidery.

Ms. Sliwka used interesting enveloped she had collected, collaged them and then added stitches. Her last example was a very cool, fun needlebook she made. I must make that, I screamed!

I didn't have any particularly interesting envelopes but I'd won a very cool, old Western Union telegram on Ebay:


I thought it would make a great Mother's Day present for my occasionally sewing Mother and a few occasionally sewing friends. I copied the image onto transfer paper and decided to use this delicious fabric:


I love this fabric. Isn't it great! It's Rhapsody by Rosemarie Lavin for Windham Fabrics. I bought a fat quarter of it while shopping at City Quilter, here in New York City. I've since done an Ebay search and discovered there is also a green and a black one! I think I might have to buy them. They're just so much fun!

For my first experimental needlebook, I decided not to add embroidery, partly because I didn't want to obscure the wonderful message Bob sent to his Mom and also because I couldn't figure out what to put on there! I fused the fabrics together and that's where I've stopped. Here's the back:


I had intended to work on this the past week, but my two boys have been home from school with allergy attacks and I actually have two small cavities that I need to get back to the dentist for (cavities at my age!) so I've accomplished nothing. Mother's Day is a week away so I still need some supplies and then to get it together! Egads! Get to work!